apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
