sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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