Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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