Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize