I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I deserve this hangover.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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