need another drink. this is the easiest way
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
