2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
