I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
