He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
