Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
