peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
