So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
