i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
