Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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