I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
