There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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