i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize