you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
