I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize