Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
