so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
