I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
