Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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