Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
