I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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