Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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