Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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