I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
