When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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