she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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