So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
