My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
