what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I see more hoeing in ur future
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