If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
