The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
