Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
