Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
