i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
