We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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