shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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