So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
