I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
