I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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