You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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