Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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