it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
