Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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