i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
