Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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