So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
