My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
