i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
