hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
