Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
