I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
