apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
