Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
