apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
