so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
