You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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