i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
