I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
