After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
