i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
