Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im holly from the hills drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
