white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
