Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
