Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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