I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize