When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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